The first (wait THIRD) cut is the deepest...

With all that we have been through you would think we would be pros at accepting big news but Thursday's news was a big blow to the head. As with anything you have to go through the 7 stages of healing. Thursday I was at first in slight denial, then numb, then ANGRY (very mad), then bargaining (if we would have gone to the doctor right away we wouldn't be here, etc.) Friday I was slightly depressed/sad all day, then today I was accepting our new route and tonight I'm ready to fight.

On our way to our appointment Thursday Brian and I both cried...out of nerves. On the way home we cried more. Thursday afternoon I cried for HOURS. Finally, Brian convinced me to leave the house...100yards to Panera for food, we quickly returned home. Friday we decided to go out and we went to a movie. Of course I teared up on the way there and the way back but for 2hrs and 30 min both of our minds were off of our situation. Today we woke up the sun was out, I cried once went back to bed, woke up again and decided no more tears lets just FIGHT. Our oncologist called around 11 and after talking to him again I felt comforted, I know he is with us on this journey and he is going to pull out all of the trick plays to help us fight. After talking to him we decided to try going to our cousin's 5 th birthday party. I was really uneasy about seeing people but we went to Target bought a Polly Pocket went to the party and stayed for 6 hours. It was nice to get out and be normal. Plus who can't smile around kids!

* I understand how IOWA felt this week after last week's heart breaker. It was inspiring to see how the team picked their heads up and dominated this week. That is how were are going to approach this new treatment plan. WE WILL WIN, WE WILL DOMINATE IT (I still say if Clayborn and the rest of the D line comes and just stares at Brian's arm it will disappear.)

It is hard when you get news that your treatments aren't working again. Brian rebounded quickly and kept telling me we are going fight. He is amazing. No words can explain how amazing he is. How many people can find out there cancer has spread then turn around and go to Panera look into the salesmen eye smile and say, "hey, have a good day, life is good!"

The hard thing to understand is that we have little control in life. We think we have complete control over everything in our lives but we don't. God does. That is a hard thing to learn. Sure we can control what we spend money on, what we eat for dinner, etc. However, in the grand scheme of things we literally have no control. We have to let go and let God, and that is hard. In the midst of all that we have to realize what we do have control of is our attitude. We can decide to be mad, mean, hostile or we can take the punches roll with tide put a smile on and say hey "just try and ruin my day!" I realize that although we are once again diverted on our path to a cure the towel is not in. I'm going to lift me head up, smile, and fight like HELL. Some days will be hard, some days will be easy but in the end I will not be bitter but enjoy what God has given me and smile.

Attitude is a choice!

Thanks for all your prayers and support. We are so unbelievably lucky to have so many people in our lives to lift us up when we are down and hold our hands during our journey.

Our season is not over...we are just beginning to fight for a SWEET reward!