The sun always sets

This morning when I laid with Brian I saw the sun peak thru the blinds in his room...I knew that today was the day. God opened his gates today and let Brian into his arms. I'm not, will be, or was ready to let go of Brian but I knew it was God's will and what is God's will, will be. As the sun sets tonight I see it as the sun setting on Brian's life on Earth but tomorrow when the sun comes back it will be the light on his new life in Heaven. Good- Bye only hurts because you love someone so much...and that is why today is so painful and heavy on my heart. I did whatever I could to change God's plan the past 10 months but no matter how hard WE fought God needed him more. I miss Brian so much already I just wish he could come and wrap me up in his arms. I loved being in his arms...when I was there, there was always an overwhelming peace on me. He gave me strength to get through each day, he gave me peace when I was anxious, he gave me the confidence I needed in myself. Man I love him. My heart will always weep and Brian told me, "Stacey time heals all wounds, you need time." I feel like eternity would not be enough time to get over my true love. Brian when he was strong told me to remember this...and I think it is something we can all use forever. This phrase speaks to Brian's character, the person he was, what he loved most about in life. "Stacey, remember, there is always good in people, you just have to find it." His grandfather told him that, and I believe when Heaven's gates opened his grandparents were there behind God to welcome him in. I can't wait till the day when he greets me. Brian loved life, LOVED it. With the bad he could always find the good. He had this unremarkable way to put a smile on my face...even when he tried to say 'I love you' for the last time.

Brian and I both found this blog therapeutic. It was our own personal therapist without the bills :). It was a way for us to have the relief of not answering 100 phone calls but yet express our minds to let things go. I know my new journey in life is going to be hard with many bumps, but with every bump I hope God blesses me with a TALL peak! I told Brian this would be my way of communicating with him and letting go of my thoughts.

I want to thanks you all for being with us on this long journey. I like to thank my gracious in-laws for loving me unconditionally. I want to thank my family for everything they have done to support me, even though it was hard for me to express that. I want to thank our friends who set this entire thing up and everyone else who donated, sent cards, emails, texts, meals, EVERYTHING.

All I want right now is to lay where Brian was yesterday as he was getting prepared for hospice. I want this bed to conform to me and hug me, I want it to be Brian. It is not a hospital bed, it is a place I can remember and can always crawl in. I miss him. I wish he was here.

To carry on Brian's legacy during his journey the past 10 months to witness to others I will leave you with this picture. Brian saw God, his last movements, he opened his arms lifted them to the sky looked and looked at the sky. I know Brian saw God. I know God was there with open arms and Brian was accepting God's hug. If you are not a believer I'm not sure what more proof there is in the this mortal world. I witnessed it with my own eyes and has forever been engraved. God is there, he is looking over us, he has a plan for all (although I think this plan sucked), look into your hearts and accept his love because the grass is a lot greener on his side.

-stacey