Today was pretty surreal. Writing the obit, picking out urns, identifying a body, planning a funeral- just surreal. How is that when you feel your world has just crashed from right under you the person in the car next you is having the best day? It is weird to drive around to all these places while grieving but everything around you is carrying on as normal. People are out doing normal things.
For the past ten months there has always been something to do, something to keep you busy. This week there is stuff to do, stuff to plan, something to keep me busy. The hard days will be when I don't have something to plan.
Today was the first day I could talk to people. Today I was stronger then Tuesday. Tuesday was so hard. Brian was the social one he was the one that healed by being with people, not me. I need to internalize everything, I have to take a time out from the world be myself, reflect, and create a plan. I received good advice, don't plan the future just plan tomorrow, tomorrow plan the next day, the next day plan the day after that. With such a huge change you become flooded with emotions and it is hard not to let your mind wonder, but the best thing you can do is control your mind and hone in on one day at a time. I was able to talk to friends, shed a few tears myself, but console others and their tears because that is me. I don't like to feel sorry myself and don't want people to feel sorry for me. I want to lift others up, because that is what Brian did.
Here is the link to Brian's services, sorry it took so long, so much to do. http://murdochfuneral.frontrunnerpro.com/runtime/3056/runtime.php?SiteId=3056&NavigatorId=53731&viewOpt=dpaneOnly&ItemId=651425&op=tributeMemorialCandles
Stacey you gave Brian the gift of feeling completely loved and supported while he went through this painful time. You are his angel in this life. And yes you will see him again someday! I am so sorry for your loss...Take one day at a time and if you need to cry, CRY! If you are angry, BE ANGRY! Your life is in God's hands at all times, even the most difficult ones. LaDonna Morse
ReplyDeleteGod will bless you my child...When you see beautiful "Son"sets, magestic eagles, and feel the wind at your face, you can know that God is present. You knew of His presence when He called Brian home {what an incredible story to be able to share}, you will feel His presence every day. God knows just what we need every step of "our" way. My prayers are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteStacey....I have no words to say to you that is going to make any of the pain your feeling right now go away. But, I want you to know that it was an honor and a privilege to take care of both you and Brian, you are now part of a very big family and you are welcome to come visit us anytime....I mean it. We love you both regardless of who the patient was.
ReplyDeleteBrian was and is the love of your life and he loved you deeply, it was so obvious. The day you went to the ER, all he could talk about was making sure his wife was ok and having her come back to him...I just want my wife to be ok. I love her so much.....those are the words he said when you were in the ER. You were there for every fever, every drug, every move that was made...you were by his side... Your an awesome woman Stacey and I have no doubt this has made you stronger, whether you wanted it or not. You now have your own personal angel watching over you in heaven....hopefully he will kick us in the tail once in awhile to let us know he is there. Take care of yourself and know your being hugged by everyone on P3.
Love, smooches and big strong hugs....
Kelly
Stacy,
ReplyDeleteI went to high school with Matt Doudna and Molly (Duggan) Rostek and that is how I met Brian. I had only met him a couple times on my visits to UNI to see Matt and Molly, but I have always remembered him. Within the first 5 minutes of meeting I thought "wow, this guy is amazing. He always has a smile on his face and is just loving and living life". I did not know that Brian was sick or know about your blog until Molly called me earlier this week and shared the news of Brian’s passing. The last 3 nights I have come for work and read your blog. I went back to the beginning and started reading and read for 7 hours the first night. No words can express how yours and Brian's words have touched my heart. I have been down the last couple weeks and your blog came into my life at the right time (I think Brian knew I needed some encouraging words and needed to know that God is Good and no matter what, live and love life!). I will always remember Brian and the laughs that we shared those random meetings at UNI. I would see you two out and about in Cedar Rapids and I could see the love that you two shared. He will never be forgotten and missed by many. He was truly one of the most amazing people that I have ever met and I am amazingly blessed to have known him. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your families.
Katie Bellendier
Correction on the spelling: Stacey :-)
ReplyDeleteMrs. Pritchard,
ReplyDeleteYOu are doing exactly what you need to be doing at this point in time. It is very surreal and everything seems to go in slow motion in times such as these. You are on the last step of this journey with Brian and God will see you through it, he always does Stacey. Tomorrow will be better and the day after even more so. Just always remember you are never alone, the FABULOUS Mr. Pritchard is beside you and he will always be until you are once again reunited.
Allow people to help you and feel sorry for you, it is their own therapy.
I have no doubt you will succeed in everything Brian and you discussed about your life ahead. Remember all the things that he told you and hoped for you and just take it one day at a time. Happiness will again return to life as Brian is going to make sure of it.
Take good care Stacey and know you are so loved.
Cousin Bridgett
In that case, Stacey, Brian will be the "wind beneath your wings" and will carry you through this. Love you, Jo Ann Clausen
ReplyDeleteBeing sad is not feeling sorry for yourself. Never feel bad for being sad because you know it won't be for long - that is not in you. You'll think of something funny that Brian did or said and it will make you smile. But you need to take the time to feel all you're feeling and not ignore it or feel bad - it's your right and how you will heal. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSteff Wilkinson
I hope you find comfort in knowing so many people are behind you!
ReplyDeleteBrian is the brightest star in the sky....I hope you always have clear skies to see the brightest star!
Much love,
Aunt Amy and Uncle Denny
Thank you Stacey and Brian, for showing me true love. You both have meant so much to me, more than you can realize. This blog and the courage you have had to share everything is amazing. you two will always have each other, something rare, beautiful, and definitely beyond this world.
ReplyDeleteWith love,
Jenn Lane
Stacey,
ReplyDeleteYou are a rock. Your Dad summed up how you have handled this whole thing perfectly on Saturday, with grace and beauty. I don't know how you have excelled in school with all of the other things happening in your life. You are an inspriration to me and many others.
While driving back to Des Moies Saturday, Chris, Lindsay, Brandon, and I were talking about memories with Brian. We were all talking about how just meeting him has made all of us better people. His memory will live on through his life inspiring others.
Brett
Hi Stacey,
ReplyDeleteI am spreading the message I learned Saturday. I am looking for the good in all people and daring people to ruin my day...If we all tried just a little, the world would be a better place.
Thanks to Brian...he is helping me become a better person!
Much Love,
Aunt Amy