Life is to short!

We have been so overwhelmed by every one's responses to Brian...THANK YOU! Our Gmail account even crashed because we had so many new emails. We feel blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives who care about us and lift us up when we seem to be in a never ending valley.

When this journey first began all we could do is hope and pray for the best, but in the back of your mind you also have fear about the future. When you have the "big C" fear never escapes you it is with you 24/7. You can try as hard as you can to ignore it focus on the present, try to be happy, try to live life but you always have fear...fear of the unknown. Brian and I both tried to ignore our fear as much as possible by not talking about what we were going through. When you live it the last thing you want to do is talk about it. When you get the opportunity to be with friends and family you want nothing more to forget about what is going on and just be normal. This blog allowed us to talk about some parts of our journey without being forced to repeatedly address it and re-live it.

When Brian and I found out his "C" had spread we spent the day in his hospital bed. We spent the day talking. We both had this overwhelming, odd feeling. We felt some relief, relief from our fear. Once you've been told your fate that fear escapes you and you can focus on reality. It is not very often that people have the chance to sit down and have serious discussions about the future, but we did. Everyday we take time to talk. Brian tells me what he wants me to do with my life, what he wants me to achieve, and how he wants grow. As hard as every day is we can be honest with each other and know what we want for the other. Every new day there is a new pain.

Brian was released from the hospital last Thursday so he has at least been able to be comfortable at home. He can sleep for hours without any nurse barging in and is at least able to go to the bathroom without being hooked up to an IV pole. Since his counts continue to drop he has to go to the infusion center at the hospital every day for blood and platelets. This is better then living at the hospital but still hard for him. At home he pretty much sleeps...I have never had control of the TV so much before.

This afternoon while he was getting fueled up he was able to Skype with his best friend Andrew. It was pretty cool to see Andrew since he is overseas and it was the first time in a long time Brian had a smile on or cracked a joke.

As always, we appreciate all your kind words and prayers. It really does help Brian to read the emails you guys send. Not everyone has the chance to hear from the people around them about how much they love you and how much you mean to them.

P.s. we got many emails stating how the loved Brian's stories from the past 10 months so here is one more. Thursday morning we found out from our Dr. we could go home. So while Brian was getting some blood I went back to bed. I woke up a few hours later in horrible pain and could not move. I told Brian to call my parents who happened to be in DSM. They came over and I knew I couldn't sit up let a lot walk. So the nurses called the hospital transporters and got taken down to the ER. I had slept wrong and woke up fast so my neck muscles went into spasm and I was stuck with my head turned to left and bent to the right. The ER doctor gave me a shot which let them relax and I was able to go back to Brian. I asked the transporter if he had ever had to take a visitor of a patient down to the ER...he said no. I guess there is a first for everything...as embarrassing and funny as it was. We are just one HOT MESS of a couple! **The neck is better!