a little fresh air to provide you with some clarity!

Another week has flown by!  This weekend I had another wedding to attend.  Last weekend I attended a wedding for Brian's classmate and it was a very wonderful ceremony, I wish he could have been there.  I really wish he could have been there to be a buffer, however, if he was there I wouldn't need a buffer.  HMMM...  The wedding was better then anticipated (not because I had doubts about the couple, but better because it was the first wedding without Brian and I wasn't sure what to do/think).  Luckily, my mind was distracted by the fact I had a dress malfunction!  UGH, no it was not because I've gained weight and need to hit the trail about 2 times a day to burn it off,  but it was a freak thing where my zipper broke and the teeth wouldn't line up.  This only happens to me by the way, I somehow walked away with my dignity.

I was so happy to leave town this weekend and clear my head with some fresh farm air!  It was a hard week with a lot going on and I just wanted to completely drop everything, forget Des Moines and enjoy a weekend with good friends.  Mission Accomplished! Not only did I get to celebrate the marriage of my good friend and classmate but I got to add to my list of 'new things'.  I have to admit, I have really never spent much time other then a quick stop in rural Iowa, and I mean RURAL! So when I went to a wedding in rural South Dakota I was in for a treat.  Although, I learned I probably couldn't spend more then a few days in a rural town I had a lot of fun.  Just curious, how many miles do people in rural areas put on their car?  I swear everything was 20-30 min apart.  After a wonderful rehearsal and rehearsal dinner I got to catch up with a few classmates.  Saturday morning I headed out to the groom's family farm (my classmate).  I have really never been a big farm and I got to have quite the experience.  I learned all about farming (crops) and I'm super excited to say that I know understand what is going on (sad I'm from Iowa and it took 25 years to learn about farming).  Although, I'm sad I didn't get the chance to shoot a gun (time ran out frown face), I did get to do this!!!!!!!

Play in a tractor tire! HOLY SMOKES THEY ARE BIG!  I was curious to see expensive they are to replace, fun fact, usually they last about 8,000 hours of work (a long time most don't have to be replaced!).  By the way the tire was taller then me.

I got to climb up and sit in the tractor.  I had to get a boost to even get to the first step on the ladder!  Actually, I was getting a tutorial on how tractors work (so I had to sit in side seat, with my seatbelt on, that is way to much machine not to have a seat belt on!)

After my tutorial, I got to drive!!!!!!!   I got to take that sucker out for a spin on the gravel road.  SO COOL!  I was told I was a natural, and I'm even added to list for 'handing down the keys to'.  :)  

The end of my drive!  Home safe, I even did  a three point turn on that thing.  I would say I should have that much power in my control all the time :).  

After a tractor ride, I got to ride/drive the razor!  I'm usually  was a very scared, non-risk taking person.  I would say that has changed, to a degree.  I took this out on the gravel to ummm 70ish mph.  The wind in my hair, open doors, very risky!  After this I got a tour of the farm and learned about combining, storing crops, everything.  

The service Saturday was so beautiful and perfect for two perfect people.  The reception was a blast.  I even made it out to the dance floor.....for a few hours!  I had some 'bushels' to burn off- for those of you who speak farmer terms (1 bushel=~60lbs).  I had TONS of fun with my classmates and they made it easy for me to do something I used to love doing with Brian (dancing!).  

The fresh farm air I guess is what I needed.  It is hard going from having a partnership and love to nothing overnight.  It is hard being cut off cold turkey.  It is hard having a deep past.  But, I got clarity this weekend.  My past is what has made me who I am today.  It has made the Stacey that is the Stacey Today.  I can't change my past it is what it is all I can do is accept and hope others can accept it.  I deserve that acceptance.  

Hopefully a little fresh oxygen will make this week nothing but rainbows and butterflies for me.  

It never gets old

It sure does never get old seeing the JTRMD bands. Here is the latest sighting:  gone fishing for a WIN.  He also got his band the night that my mom rushed the field to give Stanzi his, however, she ran into him later in parking lot and handed it to him.  Hopefully, having another Iowa quarterback with the JTRMD band will bring the Hawks the some luck this year! Brian would be very excited to see this video, it sure is pretty neat that we are still getting support!  

I have come to realize that as life goes on one word can be used to describe everything....bittersweet.  UGH, it is hard to pick up pieces when everything around you reminds you of Brian and furthermore it is hard to continue to do normal things because that reminds of Brian.  Tonight I'm going with some friends to go see one of our favorite bands from college.  Some of my favorite nights in college this band was there for.  Brian and I enjoyed them so much we usually were the first and last ones on the dance floor.  No lie one time a guy came up to us and paid us to keep dancing.  It never hurts to leave the bar with more money then what you went with...kind of like vegas! It will be weird to go see the band tonight without Brian, without my dancing partner.

Tomorrow I get to see Brian's parents and a lot of Brian's friends from high school....another bittersweet moment.  I love weddings, Brian was a groomsmen in this wedding, bittersweet.  I'm not looking forward to the awkward conversations.  I hate answering, "how are you doing."  I hate talking about myself, I hate answering questions about what I'm up to.  Last year the focus has been completely on Brian, no it is on me and I just hate things being about me.  In high school when I graduated my mom asked what I wanted at my party, I told her ,"I want everyone to sit around a campfire with smores and everyone has to tell me one good thing about me."  We both laughed, because really I would HATE THAT,  I like to lie behind the curtains and have a silent effect.  It is just one more thing I have to suck up and deal with.

Hopefully, all this rain in the midwest will end.  I'm tired of hearing my sump pump.  Please come back sun, but lets stay below 85 degrees!  :)  demanding, I know.