Hope For The Holiday's

I made a post earlier today and then I took it down. I took it down because I didn't want people to get the wrong idea about what I am going through. I found as I have started to use this blog that it has affected a lot of people in a lot of different ways and that means a lot to me. It makes going through all of this easier to know that some people are getting something out of what I write. It also provides me with comfort to know that I am not going through these hardships for no reason. That what we do in our lives does matter and what we say does help or change people. That makes me feel good. I have not written a lot in my blog about the hardships because I don't want people to pity me or feel sorry for me. When times have gotten really tough I have often times glossed over them in the blog because I don't want to be treated any different than anyone else. I just want to be treated like Brian, Pritchard, Husband, Brother, Friend, Nephew, Cousin, 2nd Cousin, The Flying Dutchman :) (Middle School Nickname), Son and Hawkeye Fan. That being said here is the post that I removed earlier in it's entirety. It is a brutally honest look at how I have been feeling lately until God and my wife helped me see the light again on Sunday.


Over the past month I have been losing hope and faith. It gets hard to believe when you keep trying things and they are not working. I kept all of these feelings in and didn't show them to anyone. All this did was just cause the negative thoughts that had planted in my head to take root. Soon I went from Happy-Go-Lucky Brian to down and out Brian. I was depressed and the more I held my feelings in the worse it got. I started to become disinterested in things that I normal cared about. I was content to sleep a lot. I liked to sleep because then I didn't have to face the reality of my situation. I had dug myself into a no Hope rutt and it was all my fault.

On Sunday Stacey and I went to Wal-Mart and I was being grumpy and finally it all came out of me. My fears, my depression, my pain, my anger and my discontent with life. I was sad because of my situation but I also felt selfish for feeling sorry for myself. I told her how I had buried myself in negative thoughts about my treatment plan and how upset I was that things did not go as planned.

I let it all out and I cried. I have only cried 3 times the whole time that I have had cancer and you know what it felt good. It felt good to release all of the negative thoughts that I had stuffed down and was eating at me. It felt good to tell her how much I needed her and God. It felt good because I felt free of the pain once again. It reminded me of a passage in the Bible that talks about Jesus taking our burden for us. I felt as if my burden was much lighter. Then Stacey turned to me and said "We Will Beat This". It was a thought that I hadn't thought in about a month. It gave me Hope. And once again I believed, "Yes we can Beat this thing!" God does not forsake us, we shall overcome!

There it is in it's entirety. It was a moment of pure clarity amidst a Tempest of deep rooted pain. A release like I have never felt. Don't feel sorry for me because my heart is full again.

In conclusion all that I ask is that you too believe. Believe that God can preform miracles and that we are not alone in our journey!

Brian Pritchard