Bittersweet

This week and last week are bittersweet.  We took the last steps in the process of saying good-bye and buried Brian.  It was a nice ceremony on a gloomy, rainy day.  I know Brian was there with us....because they accidentally dug up the wrong grave.  They apologized to me, but I thought it was kind of funny.  It was a hard day but at the end of the day I feel at peace.  Here are some pictures.

We released Black and Gold balloons in honor of Brian!

I saved my flower wreath from Brian's funeral and it dried out so beautifully, so I thought it was perfect to bring to his grave.

This week is bittersweet because it is graduation week for me.  I'm glad to finally be done with school, well for the most part, but some of the last words Brian said to me was that his only wish was that he would make it to graduation, then he said , "I guess that isn't going to work out."  I know he is watching from above but I wish he could be next to me as I celebrate this big accomplishment because without him I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have succeeded like I did.  Although, I want to celebrate....I just want this weekend to be over so all the emotions can be put behind me.  It should be fun to see all my classmates again, but I'm scared since this is the first time I will see most since Brian's death.  You have no idea what it is like to be a widow and go to group outings for the first time.   It is so stressful and very awkward.  I have found a new comfort zone with some new friends I've made and I can see me using them as my crutch to get through this weekend. 

Yesterday I headed out to the ball park to cheer on the I Cubs.  One of mine and Brian's new favorite Cubs player was recently demoted back to the I Cubs :( so since yesterday was $1 general admission tickets (I have a strict budget now...$1 tickets are hard to pass up for entertainment) I went to the ball park.  As I waited in line a gentlemen came up to me asked if I needed to tickets and then gave me two free tickets (two tickets that weren't $1, instead I got to sit at 1st base).  WOW, I now have made it my mission this week to pay it forward to a complete stranger.  I'm trying to find ways but the perfect opportunity to surprise a stranger and make their day has yet to arise.  I couldn't believe he gave us two free tickets, what an awesome day!  Unfortunately, the Icubs struggled hitting the ball and struggled more with pitching.  However,  I still had fun and enjoyed an excellent evening at the ballpark!  



You probably won't hear from me till Sunday more then likely Monday because I will be busy running around like crazy for graduation.  I have activities everyday starting Thursday, but my sister comes into town tomorrow.  I'm sure I will need Monday to sleep!