What a WEEK!

Well I for sure had thought/planned to be back on here Sunday night, but life has been a big whirlwind the past week.  Seriously, so much has gone on that I think I need a day of rest.

So without further a-due my weekend consisted of this:

Friday, a friend from school and I went to Kansas City to see Brian's dream.  We went to the Chiefs pre-season game vs. Buccaneers.  Brian was an avid Chiefs fan and thrilled last year when they drafted a former Hawkeye Tony Moeaki.  This year, the same weekend of what would have been his one year anniversary starting chemo, the Chiefs drafted former Iowa QB STANZI.  I can't help but think he had some strings to pull for this to happen.  When my friend and I saw this game we knew it was a must see.  We knew since it was pre-season Stanzi would be playing but also another former Hawk player started for the Buccaneers, Clayborn.  So after devouring some KC BBQ we headed to the stadium and enjoyed prime seats on the 50 yard line.  Unfortunately, I sat next to a Missouri fan who still had some bitter feelings regarding the bowl game.  All in all it was very fun to see Stanzi out their in red playing for Brian's Chiefs.

In an effort to cram as much stuff in as possible in a weekend, we drove home after the game and got home late.  After a few hours of sleep, I turned around and headed to the IOWA STATE FAIR.  Fun fact, first time- I remember, my parents claim I have been as a kid.  I really don't understand the HUGE hype about the state fair but for some reason Iowan's love themselves some state fair.  I don't want to be a downer but once you have walked through one row of pigs the rest of the rows look the same!  A major attraction of the state fair is the amount of deep fat fried food on a stick a person can stuff in their mouth.  To bad I try to avoid a lot of deep fat fried food.  I did snack on a few bites of my sister's funnel cake and indulged in some ribbon fries (I only got them because Brian LOVED, LOVED them).  He would talk about going to festivals with his family as a kid and always eating them ( I think b/c he could pile on massive amounts of ketchup).  For a late night snack I took home a giant pretzel, which was my favorite, and not fried!  I avoided the butter on a stick, fried oreos, and twinkies.  WINNING!

By Sunday I was so exhausted that my body crashed.  No joke, I slept till 2 pm. AHHH!  Very bad because I had a lot of catching up on studying but so good because I was so tired.  However, no time for studying because I had to pack for a very unexpected trip on Monday.  By the way I'm keeping the economy alive with one tank of gas at a time!

Well my whirl wind week continued with a trip to Milwaukee, Wi.  The purpose of this trip was a complete blessing and answered prayer.  I applied for a job Thursday night, received a callback for interview Friday morning, and interviewed mon/tues.  By Wed. I had a job offer!  So I'm going to be a resident of Wisconsin! I'm very excited at this opportunity and I feel like it was just meant to be.  I think starting over in a new city with a new job/career will be the perfect thing for me.  Just as I was starting to get stressed out about not having a job and having no clue what I was going to do with my life this fell into my lap.  Last week I was having mini melt-downs while studying and I kept having to calm myself down and pray.  I kept saying, "come on Lord I have been pretty patient this year but my anxiety is getting to be a lot can you help me out."  I applied and not even 12 hours later had an interview and not even 4 days later a job.  Answered prayers!  Don't worry the bitter feeling from last year's Iowa/WI game will hold me back from becoming a badger fan!  I'm very excited at this opportunity because I know the place I will be working will provide me a lot a learning opportunities to help me advance my career.

Next step, pass boards!  Throw up as many prayers as you can those go well and that I can sit down and focus on studying.  I haven't done much for the past week so now I have a lot of catching up to do! YIKES.

I hope everyone else has had just of exciting week as I have.  I can't wait to share my adventures in Milwaukee.

When life hands you hops...tour a brewery

So how do you like the new design?  Classy, simple, but true to the  black and gold!

Well I have been hitting the books hard, still finding ways to distract myself, becoming very tired of studying.  I just WANT to be done.  Oh by the way I start up classes again for my Master's in two weeks.  I'm crazy.  I officially got scheduled to take my PT licensure exam on Sept. 7th.  No pressure!  Now, if a single place I've applied to will call me back.  I feel that I have been patient enough the past year, can a job please open up!

This weekend I once again headed north to the Twin Cities.  Are you noticing the trend?  I have decided to call myself a hockey mom in training (HMIT).

I have completely fallen head over heels in love with hockey.   It is the perfect game for someone like me who has trouble sitting still for more then a few minutes and is easily distracted.  The fact there is nothing but fast paced action constantly is enough to keep  anyone with ADHD focused.  Furthermore, what is more fun then sipping a cold beverage (while freezing from the ice arena) snuggled in warm clothes and yelling/cheering when someone is checked into the boards?  Although, there are no cold beverages served at AAA (little league of hockey) games they are still fun to watch.  Things are getting exciting because it is as if the gears started turning and kids are fully understanding the game (not that I have a single clue about the game).  The pace is picking up, kids are in the box, goals are being scored by sweet moves such as back handed, AWESOME.  I need to learn more so I can expand my cheering vocabulary to something other then "skate".  I'm sure I'm very embarrassing.  I will say one thing I don't enjoy about hockey is the early games.  REALLY, who wants to play/watch hockey at 7 am, especially when there was a really good live band the night before? Good thing one can just throw on sweat pants a nice hoodie and cover up ;) !

So taking pictures of hockey requires a lens with a SUPER fast shutter...these were way better when I first pushed the button :)

So the GRAND story you are all waiting for....HOPS and Brewery!  Well on my magnificent drive to the cities (actually Baldwin Wisconsin)  a wonderful truck driver was nice enough to kick up a rock and hit the top of my windshield.  At first there was nothing, and I swiped the sweat from my head and took two deep breaths, because that was close.  However, right about the IA/MN boarder after hearing/singing Ace A BASE "I saw the sign" (random fact: that was my first CD with my first CD Player HOLLA) for the SECOND, yes I sang it more then once Northern Iowans really like that song, I saw the sign.  I turned my head...of course jamming to the beat...and out of the corner of my eye I saw something.  I investigated further to watch with my own eyes my windshield start cracking, further and further, spider webbing out.  AWESOME! I kept driving trying to devise a plan and decided I would make it the rest of the drive and get it fix in the AM.  So I continued my drive and signing and car dancing.  In the morning I started calling all auto glass places in the western side of WI hoping not to drive and hour in a half into the Cities (although I did that like, um, 3 times that weekend).  Well just as luck would have it, the only place (IN WISCONSIN) to have a windshield for my car was in Chippewa Falls.  Unfortunately I had to drive 30 min further east but THANKFULLY I put two and two together and realized Chippewa Falls was home to THIS:

LINENKUGEL's Brewry. YUM!  Not the best picture but I had a limited time to take the picture....I guess copyright reasons in case I were to sell it to a competitor!

So when I dropped my car off I studied for a little bit at a bar next door, until a homeless man was harassing me about a ride even further east or $50,  so I continued down main street till I found a coffee shop....that sold Line's.  After partaking in a little studying and a little Line action it was then time to do a little BREW TEW! So I headed down and took a few tours.  Highly recommend tour, I literally could touch the sweat beads coming off the cans of summer shandy as they come off the line. SO COOL, but they don't let you take them off the line, YEP THAT WAS ASKED! 

After the tour (S) I helped myself to a little of this:

Even cooler, they had drink recipes for their beers.  So I mixed and matched beers together to create many tasty drinks (perhaps too tasty ;) )

The boys did a little of this:

oh and Rootbeer sampling.  

After a 'few' samples it was time for some WI fried cheese and onion rings. YUMMY, now I need to double my 'G' of GTL.  With a stomach full of delicious fried cheese I headed off to the Cities to meet up with a former co-worker of Brian's.  We shared drinks at a sweet little bar called sweeny's. It was a prefect night on the patio filled with numerous stories (many were one's Brian failed to mention, but that is ok, I would have LOST IT if I knew that when I was away on an internship the living room turned into his man cave filled with clothes strung about, plates, cups, and food).  

When Sunday rolled around and after a 7 am game I was just exhausted.  To keep my eyes open I made a stop at the outlet mall.  I can't resist gap outlet and it was SALE DAY.  My favorite way to shop, true fact I have never boughten anything full price.  If there is no sale I tell myself it was not meant to be.  Thankfully, there was a lot to be on Sunday and I even had an additional 20% of coupon. LOVE IT.  I picked up some new shirts for IOWA games, you know when it is somewhat chilly but not sweatshirt worthy.  I made it home Sunday afternoon in time to find my bed and shower....and stayed in bed till um Monday afternoon.  YIKES!  I guess I was tired.  

Hopefully, changes are good.  I think it has made me happy...if only a job could pop up!  This weekend has in store something SUPER, UBER, DUPER, exciting.  So exciting I know BRIAN is FREAKING OUT!  I will hold you in suspense but it is AMMMMMAAAAAZZZZINNNNNGGG!

CHCHCHCHCh CHANGES!

Well last week in my dire need to sit and study and my excellent skills in finding other things to do then study I realized I have completely, unintentionally, forgot to  check my email for the blog. OOPS.  I guess I wont be receiving any blog awards anytime soon! ;).  In between cooking (my other distraction from studying- Maytag blue cheese steaks with a beef balsamic reduction sauce served with rosemary grilled sweetcorn, and garlic chive goat cheese mashed potatoes- just one of my new creations) I finally got caught up with emails, well reading them, this week I'm sure I will respond as I decide it is far important then studying. 

WOW, what nice, thoughtful, touching emails I received from many of you.  As posting started to fade the past few months I figured it was the same readers, the same support system, but HOLY SMOKES was I wrong.  My inbox was filled with emails from readers I have never met and who live across the U.S. and world.  CRAZY!  I got one email from a lady asking me input on app she was creating (a lifestyle & fitness app).  WHY ME?  I can't figure it out, but kind of cool.  It is probably SPAM, but I'm going to tell myself I'm pretty important with this offer.

Another email I read had another blog of a young women in the same shoes as me.  I looked at her blog, looked at other blogs she had linked to her blog, and thought to myself (1. the first three blogs were all widows whose husbands ALL named Brian (Bryan) had died- AHHH is there a hit list in Heaven with the name Brian?  JK! 2. there are a lot of people in the world with similar situations and for some reason reading about their pain gives me comfort in knowing I'm not alone.  3) Perhaps I am on the right track in life after death even though it feels at times I'm on road that seems to be going no where and full of uncertainty. 

One thing that makes me cringe is hearing people use the expression "you are an inspiration/amazing".  I'm not, I now just opened a worm hole of comments/emails negating that statement.  Let me re-phrase, I don't feel nor think I am.  After reading some other blogs of women in the same situation (not many blogs by men, probably because they have far better things to do in life then blog...which makes me jealous, and the fact that most men can easily let things go.  Case in point have you ever seen to male friends fight.  They argue, maybe throw a punch, then within 4 minutes have chest bumped and sharing a beer at the bar.  Women are far more complicated and tend to hold onto things for like years....my theory all women have a crazy gene inserted on the 'X' chromosome- defiantly another defining marker for gender). Sorry on the rant.  Ok, so after reading many other blogs I realize we are all doing the same thing.  Trying to pick up the pieces and rebuild a new puzzle in life because the old puzzle pieces are never going to fit together again. 

After my read through of these blogs (before this blog my only experience and majority of my experience now was reading food blogs- best way to get new recipe ideas.  However, I have been exposed to all types of blogs, there are lot of neat stories out there in their world, and a lot of them are worth reading.)  I have decided that I'm going to change things up.  For the first few months this blog served as one sole purpose (besides a way for people to keep track of my eating habits following the loss of Brian) it was therapy.  It still is therapeutic but I'm finding I need a different way to heal.

Developing posts is becoming harder and harder.  Some days it just comes to me and those are the days I write.  However, my healing is on a different road and sitting down purely talking about the countless ways I miss/thought of Brian that day is not helping. Forcing yourself to recall memories or thoughts just to write a post isn't going to work for me anymore.  I'm on a new road, a rebuilding road.  A road that is dedicated to nothing but 'finding Stacey'.  So although, some days I might have that salty taste to cry and think about Brian and write about Brian I'm going to focus on me.  This is something that is difficult for me as I never like to think of myself ahead of others, but I think it is something I have to do in order to move on.  My life consists of  'I' there is no 'we' anymore.

Be aware of many changes to come and if you are reading this for some great insight on life (which seems to be what a lot of you appreciate about the blog, not sure why, I'm 25 and a widow, my insight on life is not the greatest) then be prepared for posts that boasts nothing more then my journey on life- you know all the trouble I seem to get myself into.  The thought of  a new direction excites me, when I see the JTARMD banner at the top it glows again.  For awhile, it was dark and seemed to associated with something sad and I don't like that.  I want happiness and joy with JTARMD.  So hopefully, my adventures will keep you entertained (most people around me frequently use the phrase 'this only happens to you stacey' so there is bound to be some good stories. 

Cheers!

Oh and the next post...already laid out...titled "when life hands you hops....tour a brewery" so come back.