And life continues to go on

My apologies, once again, busy week with little time to write.  Last weekend I took a quick trip to watch my favorite 12 yr old play hockey and play legos with my favorite 8 yo.  I guess a positive  I can hold my hat on right now in life, is that I literally have no commitments so I can pick up and leave on a moments notice.  So I did just that last weekend.  My family was in California finishing up some odds and ends from my grandpa's passing and celebrating my older sisters graduation from her internal medicine residency (congrats Rachael!).  Unfortunately, I could not attend such festivities as I had to work.  So since I couldn't fly to California I quickly hopped in the car and drove to Minneapolis.  Per most of my recent trips this was also a very fun trip and a good escape from stress.  It was nice to meet new people, re-unite with old friends, and watch my favorite pre-teen dominate in hockey.  However, I notice after I watch hockey I have an urge to check every person that crosses me (probably not a good thing, but kind of a fun feeling).

On my way home from the cities I got a disheartening phone call from a friend.  A near and dear friend to Brian and I through out the year was on the same path as Brian.  Her and Brian were both fighting lymphoma and she was able to go to transplant this Sept., however, her transplant didn't take and like Brian her cancer spread, and spread quickly.  She was released from the hospital on Tuesday to start home hospice so I was thankfully able to visit with her Wednesday and say good bye in peaceful and joyful way.  She lost her husband in March to liver cancer.  Her and her husband where such inspirations to Brian and I as they gave us hope and helped us to have trust in our faith.  They were an amazing couple who went through so much but still had the energy to smile and care for others.

Wednesday as I sat with my friend she told me that she would tell Brian hello and that she would check in on him for me.  The thing I appreciated the most about my friend is that we were always able to be realistic and live in the moment.  When you are holding a loved ones hand as they are literally on their death bed it is hard to say the words you want to say or to be as honest as you want to be, but you have to have the courage to do it.  You are fearful of what to say and scared to say the truth.  Her and I were never like that. We could be dead honest.  When I sat with her I thought, man, what do I say to this women.  And just as normal we talked about the truth that was in our hearts and minds.  There was no sugar coating what the next days were to bring there was not jumping around thoughts. Brutal honesty.  I know that on Friday afternoon when my friend said good-bye to the mortal world Brian and her husband were there to welcome her into heaven's gates.  I know Brian was excited to be reunited with his walking buddy (they would walk the hospital halls during chemo).  Somehow I'm relieved because I know Brian will be getting his exercise up there now, one less thing to worry about (hopefully he is still getting his vegetables :)  ).

As much as you try to enjoy the holiday weekend and soak up the fun that July 4th brings, in the back of my mind all I could think about was my friend.  Not sadness because she is in a much better place but- I'm not sure of the words- it is hard to explain.  Being with her this week was a stark reminder of Brian's last week.  Her progression was Brian's progression.  One thing however, after yet another passing of a close friend/relative, life still goes on.  Life doesn't stop, time doesn't stop, the world trenches forward.  You have to grieve and grieving never stops but you find ways to go on with life because life goes on.  You find pleasure in small things such as watching a kid play baseball or hockey or building legos, you find pleasure in taking an afternoon or weekend off from the repetitive motion that is life to do something spontaneous.  Life goes on, small cherish-able moments continue to occur,  you have to remember that and hold onto that, and appreciate that as hard as it may be.

Life goes on...the only thing left you can do is to go on with it.