ENERGY!!!!

Well I have yet to slow down in my outings...I'm starting to tire out.  I have found it is best to just stay busy and active.  Not only do you have something to look forward to but it keeps your mind at ease.  At this rate if someone asks me to do something you can assume I will say yes.  Even if it is say...um...filing taxes!  I found though that Tuesday I was dead tired and needed a night on the couch to let my feet relax.  So I did just that last night...refreshing. 

Monday night my sister and I stumbled into some free tickets to the Iowa Energy game (it was semifinals for the NBA (d-league I think, don't quote me)).  Not only was it a  HUGE game (winner went to the championship) but it was also was a night for 'specials' at the stadium :) !  Brian and I always wanted to go, well I wanted to drag Brian to go to see what it was like, so when the opportunity for free tickets came up there was no hesitation, YES PLEASE.  I've learned if there is something you want to do, don't put it off.  I think of everything Brian and I wanted to do, but we never did, so now I'm jumping at the opportunity to do EVERYTHING!  You can't look at the past, you have to move on, and change for the future.  No more saying next time, now is the time.  It was a fun game and IOWA ENERGY WON!!! That means we are headed to the SHIP!!!

I wish Brian and I had more time to do more fun things.  We had some really, really awesome things planned.  However, I hold my hat on all the fun things we did do.  I look back at the month of November when Brian was feeling really good and we tried to do as much as we could.  We tried to be as normal as possible, we went to see his Chiefs play (thanks to some near and dear friends who made it possible), we went to see a Broadway musical, we had drinks at a nice restaurant, we had date night, we met friends out in town.  They might seem like small things but when you are constantly sick from chemo or in quarantine because your counts are low then just going out on a date seems like CHRISTMAS morning.   I cherish that last good month we have.  There are so many good memories, that is probably the last good month Brian had.  I look at those activities we did and all I can do is smile and remember Brian for the Brian I loved.  There was no broken foot, no vomiting, no daily transfusions, no hospital- it was just a good month,  a normal month. 

This weekend a year ago Brian started his first chemo treatment.  We met with the doctor on a Friday morning because we were concerned about a fever Brian had developed (that was his first sign and symptom of his cancer and it came 3 weeks after being diagnosed and after having stage 4 lymphoma that was pretty much everywhere.  A high fever was also the sign of the beginning of the end...when he got his first fever in January and was admitted back to the hospital I knew what it meant because of what the fever meant in the beginning of the process.)  When we met with the dr. he sent us straight to the hospital to start chemo.   Brian had to have 5 days of 24 hour chemo, this was the weekend he started that...he watch the NFL draft all weekend.  I can tell you exact days that everything happened this past year.  I kept a calendar to keep dates straights for all the different doctors we saw...I don't need a calendar however, everyday sticks in my mind permanently.  I can tell his exact story to the day, date, and I bet time.  How do I find the energy for that?