One year!

Well Friday April, 1st was the one year anniversary of the day that changed my life forever.  It was the day Brian was told he had lymphoma.  Brian's diagnosis began with a lump that popped up very quickly under his arm.  I finally had to drag him into our family practice doctor who decided to do an MRI (thinking it was a fluid filled sac from a muscle pull).  The day after Brian's MRI (April 1st) we got a phone call from our doctor saying it was probable of lymphoma.  Within 45 min of that phone call we received a phone call from our oncologist's office saying we could be seen the next day (Friday April 2).  After meeting with our oncologist we were scheduled for surgery to biopsy his lump and that Monday we had pre-op with our surgeon and Tuesday we had surgery.  Within 5 days of learning his MRI was abnormal Brian was told he had cancer and had surgery.  From day 1 everything moved fast.  When they biopsied his arm it had to be sent to Mayo for special testing.  It took Mayo 3 weeks to pin point his exact type of cancer.   Brian had a pretty new, rare, aggressive, and combination of two types of lymphoma.  I always told Brian if he is going to do something he is going all out.  Like if he made dinner he had to use all the dishes, if he cleaned the shower it was a 5 hour project with steps that make no sense.  He was just unique, even when it came to having cancer. 
I thought about the one year anniversary earlier last week but completely forgot until about mid day on Friday.  I think it was good I forgot because I had a pretty big pit in the bottom of my stomach the rest of the day.  It seems like time has flown by. It seems like it has been more then 2 months since he has left. It seems more then a year since we found out he had cancer.  So much has happened the past year I feel like it has been two years.  When Brian broke his foot in December I told him to think how much better the year 2011 will be.  We thought we were starting a new year and saying good bye to a bad 2010.  Little did we know 2011 didn't bring much better news either.  The entire year I kept telling myself things can't get worse.  They did.  Things got a lot worse, I'm a widow.  However, as bad as things got, I don't feel like life is over.  I see hope, and see hope because I realize now that life isn't up to us. We all have a destiny, all we can do is accept it and enjoy what life is.

I used to be the biggest planner you will ever meet.  So much so I had a 10 yr plan when I first started college at 18.  I had a plan to finish school, not get in a relationship until I was done with PT school, kids at 30.  That plan went out the window at age 19 when I met Brian.  I was married at 22.  Now I don't make long term plans let alone mid-term plans.  All my classmates are interviewing for jobs, I haven't even started to look.  I can't do anything till September so why rush into something.  I know someone else has a plan for me so I will just wait and let that plan unfold instead of making my own. 

Luckily, Friday was salvaged by one of my best friends and roommate from college. She came to visit and we had so much fun.  It was nice to catch up, grab dinner, and just have fun.  Today I went to Cirque du soleil.  It was in Des Moines and I heard so many good things so I convinced my sister to go with me.  It was the Asian show "dralion''.  IT WAS SO AWESOME.  It is crazy how those people can move around, freaky, but intriguing.  This show got me excited because in exactly one month I will be going to VEGAS (and rumored to be going to the Beatles Cirque Du Soleil).  Yep, I booked a trip to Vegas, with the 'RENTS.  25 & single who wouldn't want to go to Vegas with your parents? Just kidding mom and dad.  There is a big group going and my sister and I squeezed in the mix.  Brian LOVED, LOVED Vegas...I think it is right behind Wriglyville and Kinnick.  We always wanted to go but couldn't afford it or squeeze it in with my school.  It will be my first time going, I'm excited, but wish Brian could be there. 

I'm now looking into taking a trip this summer after I'm done with school...one last big trip before I really have to settle in and be responsible and find a job.  

The Cubs opened the weekend 1-2.  I think our little angel in the outfield must be napping....or him and Ron Santo are having way to much fun they didn't notice they Cubs lost.