lean cusine

For those of you keeping track at home- I ate 2 lean cuisines yesterday, 1 today. I calculated that my vegetable intake is about 5-6 servings a day. In case your are journaling ;). For dinner I made my special quesadilla's- I invented them in college for Brian. They became very popular, especially around 1-1:30 am.

Brian loved his condiments. No, really LOVED them. I wish God would have given us a sign around, um, December 20th on our future. I now have a fridge full of Sam's Club size hot sauce, jalapenos, ketchup, and BBQ sauce. I may start selling pickled jalapenos to kid's as they leave school- perk to being across the street from Valley High School- does that get you on any kind of list or jail? I might have to re-think that.

Sorry for the bluntness of last, this, and future posts. If it isn't positive enough for you, sorry, no answers other then you might want to remove this from your favorites for about 1-2 months. Grieving isn't easy, it sucks. So many people are worried about me, not sure why I have survived every other curve ball in life, I will survive this. As yesterday, no one can do this for me, no one can fix it. Time can fix it I know that. I can't give up on my faith, but to be honest I'm pretty ticked off. I feel like God was teasing me...teasing me with pure, utterly joy and happiness the past 2.5 years. I feel like a fat kid on a treadmill with a dangling candy bar in front of me. Not cool.

Got the house cleaned and put back together. Towards the end, Brian lost control of going to the bathroom. I swear I could smell urine in the living room so today- I had some free time- I sniffed the entire carpet, found the spot, and shampooed it. I'm sure I looked pretty normal to all bystanders walking by, yep even had the shades opened today.

The UPS man dropped off a package today, first time I met him, will be ordering more stuff via UPS. After that embarrassment, I decided 48 hours of not showering was too long and I should get out of my PJ's from Monday night. So I did just that, even did a load of laundry. I got very bold and took the trash out. While I was doing that I noticed a neighbor going to the dumpster with about 6 pizza boxes, I thought just hurry up no human contact. Well of course that didn't happen, my garbage flew everywhere. While I was chasing it down, in my snow boots, my hair wet and a hot mess, in new pj's & Brian's Iowa shirt the neighbor made it to the dumpster. While he threw in his boxes the wind took it and I subsequently got covered in old, eaten, chicken wing bones- are they left over from the Super Bowl? I believe it. Yep life couldn't get better, covered in another man's trash.

I watched Dan Patrick show all morning. Brian and I would watch this while he was in the hospital or getting chemo. I have now turned all efforts to becoming a Danette- DP's crew! I'm coming up with a list of items to call in about. I'm kicking 'CIS' off (Chris in Syracuse-for you non DP show watchers). Stacey in Des Moines. I see the man cave in my future.

While carpet shampooing I watched Black Hawk down. I think I can begin to re-kindle Josh Hartnet's and I relationship. I also think Gerard Butler and I should begin to kindle a relationship-Brian would get mad because that guy was in every Chick Flick I watched ;).

Tomorrow's project- organizing Tupperware. Why is it there is always missing lids? I swear whoever steals the socks from the dryer steals Tupperware lids.