Life as I now know it

As I was driving to Nashville on Friday I had an idea...I should have my own reality show. If I did, I think I would call it Life As I Now Know It. Starting over, re-defining myself, finding my new self- all with me and my sarcasm :), oh and my new journey. All a dream, but I did see the filming of two reality shows this weekend. While walking on Broadway in Nashville we got to the taping of 'the next nasvhille star'. Apparently, similar to America idol but country. I was the cute blond walking through the cross walk...not paying attention, getting yelled at, all while distracted by my very tasty smoothie. We we checked into our hotel on Friday we were not delighted to know that there was a beauty pageant also joining us. We got there just in time to see the TLC crew for Toddlers & Tiaras bunking up a few doors down. I really did think about knocking on their door and pitching my show, but the Chocolate wine I was drinking hadn't kicked in yet. Chocolate wine, yes, that is the only way I could survive the 20 hours of frilly dresses, fake nails on 3 year olds, and clouds of aerosol hairspray and spray tan. I thought that show was scary before but now I just have a pure fear. I have been doing some serious evaluating of my life, now that I have seen a 6 year old with better deltoids then me. Great!

Nashville was fun. I came, I conquered, I have a headache. I'm not a huge fan of country and there were way too many cowboy boots for me, but overall it is a must visit. We had fun going in and out of all the bars listening to live music, perhaps too much fun. Brian and I loved live music so I know he would have loved it here. It was hard being there without Brian. There were so many thins that would made me think of Brian. We ate at a sweet BBQ joint and I thought, oh man B would love this pork and these ribs, I should buy him some sauce. Then as my friend and I went in and out of places I thought, oh I have so many good stories for B when I talk to him- I have to tell him about the wall I tried to scale, the amount of Bass Pro Shop hats I saw, the sweet Irish bar. Then I thought, crap, I'm not going to see Brian again, he wont get to eat BBQ again, and I'm not going to talk to him. Then I got sad.



I miss having companionship, someone to to always talk to and someone who is always there. It's not the same as having friends and family. It is not the same support, not the same feeling,just not the same. Everyone always says use your family and friends...while I need them, there is only so much they can do and offer. What is the hardest is listening to people give this advice...because they still get to go home to their loved one. They have that companionship, someone who understands you in and out, someone to have pillow talk with. I don't. I miss that. It is becoming hard to listen to people say the same thing over and over, especially because majority of people don't understand what it is like. I had my husband for 5 years, not 25 years. People grief in different ways, people work through life in different ways. I guess I 'm different. I work through it by just sucking it up and internally figuring out my plan. It doesn't mean I'm closing myself off- really I'm still blogging aren't I. It is how I deal, I've made it through 25 years ok, so I now I can handle the next 25 ok. Life is never easy, there are always rough patches, it is how you learn from those patches and grow that matters.


Well I have settled into my new home for the week in Knoxville, TN. It is so BEAUTIFUL, quiet, peaceful and just the perfect place to sit, think, and move on. Night One: pizza and ice cream. I was given the rules of my new household: every night no matter what happy hour from 4-6. So being the polite person I am, I obeyed thy rules with a spike Arnold Palmar Pomegranate drink, and continued happy hour into a night cap and called it a night.




Tomorrow is a new day...new adventures of a new Stacey.




Here are some pictures thus far:

The pretzel twist dance...for when you can't dance in car because you are being passed by another car.
the first of many Crackle Barrel'sWaffle Stop- at every exit in the South

Day 3 of Road Trip: Food for Road Trippin'...Fiber One Bars- actually I was hungry and found this in my car.

chocolate wine, YUM

Bar 4Jack's BBQ, so YUMMY even though we got made fun of from being from IOWA

fCowboy boots everywhere...they are so expensive, how often does one have to replace boots? That is like a months rent for me.Coyote Ugly! Night 2 in Nashville.
My last night of Binge eating...pizza and ice cream. Monday Begins fruit and salad detox.