All NATURAAALLL!

I bet your minds are racing...so I will make you wait to read what is all natural!

Well I have pretty much become an insomniac...not because the stress of losing my dear Brian, but secondary to the fact I pretty much trained my body not to sleep.  I juggled school (a doctorate and masters) and being Brian's caretaker all at once.  Sleep went out the window. The last two months of Brian's life he was up all the time between his broken foot, bathroom breaks, fevers, medicine, everything I just learned to not sleep.  If he was awake I was awake. If he had a fever I was up until it broke.  If he had to pee I got up and helped.  Towards the end I was getting maybe 3-4 hours total (cumulative not in a row, I watched a lot of lifetime movies online (ahh I can't believe that is how I stayed awake)).  We would be up early around 7-730 to be at the doctors office and he would sleep there but I never could.  So now I'm convinced my body is just trained to not sleep. 

Well the highlight of my day today was being able to see my two favorite kids again.  My hockey all-star was in Des Moines for a practice with his elite team so I brought dinner over to the rink and watched him.  I played 'club penguin' (an online kids computer game for all you without kids) with the little one.  This
might seem boring but compared to the rest of my day it was AWESOME- I'm still trying to scrub pee out of the carpet from Brian.

After the rink I went to Hy-Vee to pick up my corn beef and cabbage for Thursday.  Last year I made it for Brian but I rubbed brown sugar on the meat and slow cooked it all day in Guinness...DELICIOUS.  Brian and I fought over it.  So I'm making it again, for myself, I will have to recruit some friends.  This was the first time I have really been at the grocery store since Brian came home from the hospital at the end of January (I think I like shopping at 10 pm it is very quite).  Literally, I  have not bought groceries since then.  I went for corn beef, came home with one of everything I think from the organic section.

 Towards the end of Brian's life I dug in deep into research and read a lot.  I learned how one should eat to not only heal the body but allow the body to function at maximum.  IT IS SCARY TO SEE WHAT FOOD CAN DO TO ONES BODY.  For instance did you know sugar is fuel for cancer?  I can testify to that because Brian never liked sweets till he was diagnosed and he couldn't get enough after that.  When the cancer finally spread to every possible organ the only thing he would eat was ice cream and Reese PB cups.  The last thing he ate was a Sonic PB cup mixer. 

I tried encouraging him to eat a well balanced diet, high in berries and vegetables, however, you feel bad enough that one is battling cancer and now you are restricting food.  I felt guilty, so I tried to compromise.  I will NEVER EVER make the mistakes I made with Brian again.  Being 25, completely shell shocked by the diagnosis, and naive.  I learned from our experience and will use that to change my ways but hopefully encourage others.  Next time I face cancer I will be prepared to fight for my loved ones. 

Tomorrow I'm going to start a daily wheat grass shot- YUM, I hope that taste becomes acquired.  Tonight I tried Aloe water- yep the same stuff you put on sun burns is good for your body.  If you can get past the chunks it is actually very good, like watermelon.  I bought this other drink ($$) but it has 31 super foods in it and only 60 calories for the entire bottle.  Everything in it has been linked to cancer fighting properties, as well as anti-inflammatory, and other good things.  It not only alkalizes your blood but cleanses your body.  I bought all my can goods from the organic aisle- I have a theory about food and the huge influx in childhood food allergies and Autism, I told Brian when we have kids I will make all our baby food, everything will be organic, I even tried to start making my own fresh bread.  They say anything you eat should only last for a week...meaning food that has a 2 year shelf life probably shouldn't be the thing to fill your body with- YUCK think about all those chemicals.

My plan is simple.  I want to delve deeper into the science of food and healthy eating to aid my body in natural healing.  I want to slowly phase out horrible processed food and start adding in natural, fresh, organic food.   That is my plan at least, if it works it works if not at least I can know that it wouldn't have mattered.  Towards the end I started implementing these into Brian's diet (well until his last night)  it was pretty expensive so I made sure he had first dibs.  Now I feel like if I made him do it, I should try it.  I guess payback for the shots of POTENT fruit juice I would give him (literally the label read potent, it was $36 a bottle and the max serving was 4 tablespoons that is how potent it was, but it is a super fruit from an island).  I'm not going head over heels but I'm making wiser choices.  Thursday I will have my fill of barley and hops more then likely a few slices of pizza from Fong's, but Friday I will detox with fruit juice and wheat grass.  YUM. I know with every funny face I will make while trying this food Brian is in heaven saying, "I told you it tasted horrible."  At any rate, my body has no energy, I can't sleep, my stomach is in pain (I think the binge I've been on for the past month year has caught up to me) so I guess I can test to see if any of the above change. 

I'm going ALL NATURAALL, food that is!

Oh I'm chasing down my wheat grass shot tomorrow with a Guinness cupcake that I'm making, it is a slow phase in plan ;)