Unplugged

Well for the first time since, I think to be exact Dec. 5-6th, I have left my laptop at home and 'unplugged' myself from it.  It was hard with everything going for the past year to leave it.  We would get so much electronic correspondence that I literally would go to bed checking email and wake to it.  I had to take a break.  I did that this weekend.  Sorry for the delay, I see that I was missed.

This weekend I spent time with my favorite kids on earth.  I have known them both since one was in tiny diapers and the other was a dream, now  they are 11 & 8!  I spent pretty much every weekend in high school and every day in summer on my college breaks with them.  When Brian and I first talked about dating- yep we talked about dating before dating because the planner in me can't just dive into anything, Brian changed that trait- he convinced me that we should hang out one night. However, the night he wanted to hang out I had plans to 'hang' with my boys (AKA babysit).  Some how he wiggled his way in.  He drove from UNI to Cedar Rapids, used the excuse he was coming to see his parents anyways, but ended up with me babysitting.  The boys knew someone was coming over so they REFUSED to go to bed.  They wanted to stay up to meet Brian. 

Perhaps I let them stay up as a test for Brian, before I said yes to our first date.  When he came over the boys got wild, Brian chased them around, and we all built a fort.  Once they went to bed Brian and I watched a Dave Matthews DVD- live at Central Park.  This was the first of many concert DVDs Brian and I would watch. We would make special trips to Best Buy just to see if they had a good concert DVDs. That was our thing, and something we would open our doors to others to do.  I was going to say yes anyways (I can't say no to anyone, also working on that trait) to his proposition that we go on a date.  However, the next morning I said yes and that night we went to a movie.  That was our official first date, but I guess you can say the night before was it.  From then on I had three boys, and from then on Stacey was no longer cool, Brian was the cool one in their eyes.

This weekend I took a trip to watch the eldest one play hockey.  He is a stud!  Brian and I would try to go watch him play hockey and baseball at least once a year and I hadn't seen him play yet this season with all we had been through.  In the first game, I sat in the stands hoping I could see him score.  So I said a prayer and asked Brian to allow me to see him score just once this weekend.  Within 15-30 sec he scored.  He then scored at least one goal in each game.  Brian started to get really into NHL because of him. He wanted to know more about the game so he had more to cheer for, he also thought if he knew more he would get box seats to watch him play when he was in the NHL..Bri was a moocher.

During the championship game things got intense and I think with all the adrenaline pumping through my body it got my emotions a little high.  As I anxiously watched all I could think is how Brian should be here.  How Brian would be FREAKING out right now.  How excited Brian would have been when they finally scored, and then again, and then last GOAL was by our STUD!  After the second period I had to take a break...I had to step outside and cool off before I had a full fledged melt down.  I had a few tears, composed myself and went back in the rink.  I'm so proud of the accomplishments both of the kids have made.

During the game I thought about life. I thought what if the closest I come to changing diapers are these two kids, the closest I come to being a 'soccer mom' is watching hockey one weekend a year and baseball one tourney a summer.  Outside I had to tell myself not to worry, it will all come out in the end.  I told myself  I'm lucky to even have the opportunity to watch an amazing kid play hockey as well as have an opportunity to watch another amazing gem in my life draw me sweet pictures and wait up for me to come over.  When I went to leave on Sunday they both asked if I was leaving and then said I should stay.  That warmed my heart and put a smile on my face.  Something that hasn't happened much lately.  I was once again the cool one in their eyes!

One of the best nights of my life!

Not sisters by blood, but through friendship- she understands my meatloaf :-)

I once took a hockey puck to the gut when he was 3 and using fisher price skates...now he is a STUD!

My sweetie.  He was attached to my hip the night of our wedding and the day after Brian passed he wrote me a card with hearts to show me his love. 

Well today I did it. I finally went out for a good walk.  I had to take a different route, by different, we walked it but it wasn't our regular route.  It felt good to get out and enjoy the day...plus my M&M candy ice cream cone said I needed to walk.

Tonight I spent the night researching my picks for my bracket.  I have huge shoes to fill because last year Brian won every pool he was in.  AHHH.  I wish he could give me some advice.  Although, I spend majority of my time watching the DP show and sports center highlights I'm lost because all Brian did was watch sports, he knew the upsets.